My life is in a mess!
I feel so sucky now.. i cried! I don't know that i'm so weak, Just cried because of a little problem!
I feel so messy now, a lot of problems just come crashing onto me! Problems that make me feel vulnerable. Every problem is link together.. one problem leading to another and the more time the problem drag the more problem arise! I just wanna have peace!

I'm always a person who give in, i don't like quarreling, i don't like to argue. Especially when the person is my friend! I don't scold when i'm pissed, i don't complain when i'm angry! All i do is just telling myself to cool down, teling myself that there are always ups and downs in life.. and i will learn from every obstacle. Everytime when i feel upset, i just swallow it and try not to show that im upset. Everytime i feel humiliated, i just act like i'm not. Cause i know this will not hurt me much,i just let it past and everything will be fine and back to normal!
I give in a lot.. I give in all that i can, i will not ditch a person when he/she is in trouble!I try my best to make him/her feel that everything is fine, every problem can be solve! I always thought when i treat a person nicely that person will treat me the same way! I trust people very easily, as long as a person treat me nicely in a way i will believe that he/she really treat me as a friend!But it seems that life is not as simple as i think it is. Not everything will turn out the way i expected it to be! I learn alot, a friend of mine always tell me not to believe in anyone except myself! At that time i just think that its not true! I can trust my family and friends! No one will want to cheat me of anything! Well now i'm really confused, i think i need a rest! I don't like to be scolded for nothing! And i dun like to explain, cause its really tiring to always explain myself! I don't think i did something wrong, but everyone's has their own thinking and everyone look at things with different perspective! SO no matter how i explain it's useless! I just need to admit that i'm wrong and that will end the conflicts! Or maybe no one is in the wrong, but someone just have to settle it. From here maybe i'm just a person with no stand,but its not that i don't have a stand! I'm just lazy to explain myself, and i'm fine with everything, i'm not choosy, as long as i'm happy with it, i will go with it! I endure humiliation cause i believe that everything is just a joke! I know i can take a joke so i just let it pass! I don't mind letting others to make fun of me, as i believe it mean no harm, and maybe its just for fun, i don'tmind being the joke of the day! Cause i had learn to accept it in secondary school! People i meet in secondary school are totally different from primary school. Children had grow up and became young adults! I think i nag a lot.. well i just feel so stuffy in my chest, cannot breath smoothly, feel pain in my heart, tears in my eyes! I cried in sec 1 or 2 for the first time due to friendship problem, i thought i need not worry about friendship anymore! But still...

Now i had money problems, i had to think of ways to save money, i don't have ANY extra money with me.. I cannot spend! Some people just don't have to worry about money problems, but some worried about money for life.. For so many yrs, now i regret spending too much a few months ago! I always thought that money is not going to be a problem, but now i'm 18 i have to be independant and not always ask for money from my parents. I don't wanna be spoon feed anymore, i just wanna earn my own money! Without money, life can really be stucked! Life move on with difficulties! Life is really a very rocky path, too much obstacles, i don't knowifi can overcome all my obstacles! Willi just disappear? Will i vanish? Will i have peace?